March 29, 2009

To bidet or not to bidet…

I just read one of the funniest blog posts ever by Paul at Kitchen and Residential Design. A reader sent in a question about bidets and couldn’t even bring herself to use the word “bidet”. Probably because “every time I see one they just scream out to me "We have lots of s*x and don't shower afterwards".”


So anyway, Paul’s reply cracked me up (whoops, sorry, bad pun there—totally unintentional, I swear!!) and gave me pause to reflect for a moment upon that naughty piece of ceramic in the bathroom… the bidet.

bidet square circles sanitary

We have a bidet in our master bath because we have lots of sex and don’t shower afterwards ;-) Hahahah!!! No, just kidding. I’ve never actually used it. In fact, I’m a bit intimidated by it. I can just envision me with my bare butt hovering above the spout and water spraying all over the bathroom as it rebounds off my smooth, soft, supple butt skin. (Don’t try to envision that yourself—it’s not a pretty sight!!)


But we’ve found other uses for our bidet. It makes a great doggie water fountain. I tried to get a picture of Squirt drinking from it, but she refused to perform. So this pic from Flickr will have to do (as you can see, a bidet can also double as a fish tank):

dog bidet

At parties, we gather around the bidet and see how high we can make the water shoot up:


Another party-related use… beer cooler:


A bidet can be a fun kiddie plaything too. For example, Bidet Barbie (also known as Barbie Spa Day)…

bidet barbie

Car Wash Bidet…

car wash bidet

And the ever-popular Wash Your DVD Bidet…

DVD bidet

So as you can see, you can use a bidet for many things besides cleaning yourself up after lots of sex ;-)

Don’t have a bidet?? Never fear—you can always install a Biffy and enjoy all the pleasures of a bidet at a fraction of the cost:

They love their Biffy!!!



Paul Anater said...

Any time I see one, I break into my rendition of "I Love a Bidet," sung to the tune of "I Love a Parade" by Howard Arlen.


LOL - OMG I can't believe you just post that

I felt like you were waking up the unspeakable - I think that talking about the bidet is almost a blasphemy in the world of bathroom fixtures. (lol) I never saw anybody so irreverent to this innocent piece of ceramic.

I had a couple of good laughs - I have to admit ;)

Tom Erdman said...

How undexpected! Isn't that one of the things we're not supposed to talk about at the dinner table?

DesignTies said...

There's no aspect of design that we won't discuss on DesignTies!!!! Today bidets, tomorrow.... well, I haven't thought that far ahead yet ;-)

Although to be honest, I can't believe I just wrote about bidets!!

Thanks for the inspiration, Paul :-)


Kat said...

This is hysterical! I especially like the bidet as koi pond! Kathy

Kathy's Red Door Welcome said...

OMG, I have had my laugh for the week! What a riot.

Brillante Interiors said...

I think Bidet are a many showers a day we can take? When I first moved from Italy I wanted one and I endured all the jokes of my plumber (luckily he was able to install it properly). Should talking about a toilet be embarassing too? We need to use both, possibly one after the other, you guess the order!

David said...

A hand held bathroom bidet sprayer is so much better than a stand alone bidet and this is why:1.It's less expensive (potentially allot less) 2.You can install in yourself = no plumber expense 3.It works better by providing more control of where the water spray goes and a greater volume of water flow. 4.It requires no electricity and there are few things that can go wrong with it. 5.It doesn't take up any more space, many bathrooms don't have room for a stand alone bidet. 6.You don’t have to get up and move from the toilet to the bidet which can be rather awkward at times to say the least. Available at oh and lastly; because you will actually use it!

Anonymous said...

This post totally cracks me up!!
~angela @ peonypatch

Cass @ That Old House said...

HAHAHA! Hilarious! On my first trip to Europe with Howard, many years ago, I innocently turned on the bidet in our Frankfurt hotel room and soaked the ceiling -- the spray was that powerful.

I've been terrified of the dang things ever since.

Love your "reason" for using a bidet. Don't ALL Americans have lots of s*x and not shower afterwards? I think it's in the Constitution. . . .

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